What he really wanted to do was to tear a hole in his world and escape.
The first time I read this sentence in a short story by Nabokov named Sign and Symbols, I was miles away from where I was the last time I felt like him, like the desperate protagonist. I thought, the difficult emotional eras of my life are over. Traumas are history and I was elaborately wiping out disgusting and disturbing memories from my mind. I nodded and passed through the sentence, with such a confidence that I, will not wish to tear a whole of my own in my universe. I will not wish to disappear.
Yet, years later, I was wrong. Life has a funny way of facing you with bitter challenges. Today, after a long time of displaying a calm and happy facade, I confess that I am going through one of the most difficult and painful periods of my life, again. I am deeply sad, my lips are sealed and I have to bear the sadness alone. I wish I could tear a hole my universe and disappear, but if it was so easy. No one can cross a tear in space time with a little child that is pulling your hand to play.
12 comments:
عجب اوضاعیه ....ء
Sorry, I didn't want to worry you. The truth is, that I don't have any other way of letting go of these sad emotions that I have. I can talk to no one, and this virtual space is the only place I can be myself.
Sorry again for putting so much negative emotions out there....
Hey, don't worry about "putting negative emotions out here", all right?
Yes, for many of us, this is one of the few places that we can be ourselves and at least talk about our feelings and emotions, even if not talking about the reason.
But let me tell you sth, that cute little hand which is pulling you to go and play with him; that is your hole...believe me. Even if for a fraction of a second, his presense makes you forget all the heaviness, then he is your hole, your escape, out of this world.
I am truly sorry that you are going through a difficult time, I'm walking shoulder to shoulder with you, in the cyber-world, not saying a word, just there...and I sincerely pray for your peace at mind and happiness in life.
Sweetie this is your blog, feel free to be truly yourself. actually that's what I personally like about your blog.
Be strong ..Hang in there.. in niz bogzarad
خواندن این پست من را عمیقاً ناراحت کرد دوست عزیز. با اینکه تو را از نزدیک نمی شناسم اما انگار سالهاست که می شناسم؛ البته! چون سالهاست که نوشته هایت را می خوانم
مشکلات روانی که زندگی ایران در جان و روح ما حک کرده احتیاج به درمان بنیادی دارد. این درمان برای انسان بزرگ و باهوش و ارزشمندی چون تو هم شاید لازم باشد
یه چیز بگم روح مفتون عزیز؟
به نظرم فضای مجازی خیلی نمی تونه بهت کمک کنه. باید یه دوست واقعی پیدا کنی. پیدا کردنش کمی جسارت می خواد، گرچه شاید سخت نباشه. قبلاً هم در نوشته هات اشاره کرده بودی، اگه اشتباه نکنم، به این که جای یه دوست خالیه. باید در جستجویش بود ...ء
I've heard this old saying 'what does not kill you, makes you stronger' many times and every time I wonder how strong we have to get...
I know it is tiring but hang in there. I think one good thing about our lives is that nothing lasts forever. I hope this period of your life pass soon.
I don't know what to say and what's best to say,I just hope you can find your way to where you feel truly peaceful and I know you will since you can get out of you and watch yourself which is not something that many can do and this makes a big difference.
take it easy dear friend. I think you just get the whole life,... very serrious...
don't know what to say,,,I think talking about it can make every thing worse,as I'm not having better days than you are,,,But I hope you pass these days sooner
dear virtual friend, i think the pain and sorrow that you have had to bear makes you a deeper, richer person. you are strong and this strength will carry you through and take you to a place you didn't know existed. i know this can sound perverse, but hold your pain with pride and don't call it negative. it is what it is. i read a book called "dark night of the soul" once, and it helped me a lot. know that there are people who care about you and share your pain, not just through sympathy and empathy, but through pain of their own. the strength is in your soul, you will find it when you need it.
Leily jan,
Thanks for your kind support.
Dear Pondoria,
Thanks for being there and your kindness. I will find the book you suggested. Maybe I need some time in peace and calm.
Post a Comment