Turning point

This morning, despite the heavy rain and deep grey clouds, I feel that after a long time, I have the energy and the enthusiasm to pick up my old projects that have been on hold for a long time. It happened to me this morning, after almost two years of fatigue and lack of energy to create.

I tried to analyze my condition and find the reason for this shift, since I believe that if I don't have enough understanding of what is happening to me, then I won't be able to improve my life in the future, repeat or understand the experience. According to my personal experience, I think our lives are a collection of all experience that we have since our early childhood. all positive, negative, and neutral experience are accumulated in us over our lifetime. Some fade away as time passes by and partially disappear, while the others (for example certain traumas) don't lose their taste and color and stay with us for a long time. This sum, this accumulation of all neutral, positive, and negative experience with all their relative weights determine (most of the time) how we feel and how much energy do we have.

In my case, I had a very difficult two years. Not being satisfied with my job, difficult pregnancy and a traumatic C-section, stress of moving to a new home shortly after, and not being able to sleep well for the past 16 months:), have left me with lack of energy for a long time. At the same time, the positive experience of Demian growing up has been a source of positive energy, but I had still so much fatigue to compensate for. After two months of leave from my job, this morning I felt that I have passed the turning point, I have moved from the negative energy domain to the positive side of the curve. Then, I started thinking about all my postponed projects, the unwritten short stories that I have the plots in my notebook, and the non-fiction book that I have the outline of the chapters. They are waiting for me to visit them again.